Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad, what can you say....this show is nearly flawless.  If you have not seen it yet, go watch it right now.  Take the week off work, get Netflix fired up, and sit back for 62 episodes of amazing.  In fact, let me know and I'll come over and watch it with you.  You will not regret it, having me over or binge watching this show.



Sadly, this is pretty much the eye candy of the show as well.  Here are your top 4 Breaking Bad characters, them and lawyer Saul Goodman, and Badger, and Hank he is pretty good too. Needless to say this show is stocked full of acting talent.

Intended Audience- Anyone and everyone that likes good TV.  Most great television shows die too young (Seasons 1-3 Arrested Development) or go on way past their prime (Arrested Development Season 4, although I still liked it).  Breaking Bad is the perfect amount of episodes/seasons/finale combination.  At some point, when I have seen more shows from start to finish I will compile a list of best series finale episodes.  Just off the top of my head, Six Feet Under, Friday Night Lights, the last 5 minutes of Prison Break are all great, but Breaking Bad is now the gold standard on how to end a show.

Where to Find it- Just like the other,s Breaking Bad can be found on Netflix.  Netflix is the best.

Show Synopsis- Fresh of a cancer diagnosis, a High School science teacher starts making Meth in his spare time in order to pay off mounting medical bills and ensure his family will be taken care of when he is gone. That is as plain and generic as of description as I can write.  There really is no need for anymore though, because you either have all ready seen it and know where it goes from there.  Or, you are going to watch it, and would be mad at me if I gave any additional plot points away.  On the them of bland and general I'll touch on a bit more:  He (This is Walt we are now talking about) has a wife, AMC hates women characters, so you most likely won't like her.  His son changes his given name of Walter Jr. to Flynn around season 2, sorry to all you Flynns out there but that name is hilarious.  His sister in law is nuts and loves purple, his brother in law has a job that isn't conducive to his new occupation.  And to say that he steps on a few toes of New Mexico's current drug deals is a major understatement.

My Review- Breaking Bad is as nearly flawless as shows get.  One out of every ten or so episodes is a little dull, but these are to push the plot ahead or really get you ramped up for the upcoming action in the next episode.  Except for the one about the fly, I really did not like that one.
The character arcs that show creator Vince Gilligan puts his heroes or anti-heroes through are more than a day at best roller-coaster park.  They are on top of the world and one moment and minutes later facing impending doom.  They are vile and selfish in an episode, and redeemed in the next.  As the viewer you really go on the ride with Jessie (Guy #2 in picture above) and Walter (Guy #3) and experience all of their trials and triumphs.  The most positive thing that I can say about Breaking Bad is that I can't really find a negative.  Even the women of the show come into their own in the last season.  AMC must have finally seen the light and decided they had time to put a female character on the screen that you didn't openly root against.  They also were able to cameo in one of my favorite comedians, Bill Burr, as well as find a character for FNL star Jesse Plemons (lovable Landry) to play.  He is NOT Landry in this show, even though he still retains a few of the qualities.

Breaking Bad is a triumph of how to do TV the right way.  Just watch a couple of episodes and you will be hooked to it as the Southwestern United States was on Walt's famous blue meth.

Finale- Nearly Flawless.  It is a 9.8 out of 10.  Everything is wrapped up nicely with a pretty bow.

Eye Candy- Did I mention this area was sparse?  I'll do my best....nope, I'll just put up a photo of the main cast and then two of Jessie cause the ladies love Jessie.


        

In Summary- Just watch it.  There are few things I know more about then if a show is good or not and based on the fact that the majority of the public agrees with me on Breaking Bad, it is probably good.  Give it a go and tell me what you think and I am more than willing to hear a criticism on why you don't like it.  In fact, I would be impressed if you could come up with one.

Gossip Girl

I am going to try and stick to shows that are on Netflix, since most people are subscribers or pirating someone else's account.  They have a great variety of shows and for unlimited access at $9.95 or something a month, it can't really be beat (They should start paying me).  I'll throw in the HBO/Showtime shows at some point because those are top notch. Now I give you a show that I would compare to the first love of a person's life.  The beginning is great, you stay up way later than you normally would just to spend more time with them, when your'e not around them your'e thinking of the next time you will be together.  Then right around season 3, or the second time you two have broken up and gotten back together, things go from amazing to what the f*ck have I been doing for the past two years.  You relish time apart, resent the other for "making" you check in from time to time.  You both know that you should no longer be together, but you are in too deep.  Until finally one of you grows a pair and ends it.  For me this was when the last episode finished of this horribly addictive teen drama called.............GOSSIP GIRL.



I will be the first to admit that I watch good tv and I watch terrible tv.  This show falls somewhere in the middle, skewing towards terrible.  I tend to shy away from most reality tv shows as they just seem to make me mad for one reason or another.  Basically cause I want one of my own, but there is nothing like a great BAD tv show and for a while that is what Gossip Girl is.  From the start you will be hooked and most likely mow through season 1.  After that, you will watch it by the mathematical equation I like to call- (Free Time + Pure Boredom + Pain Tolerance to Bad Acting and Implausible Situations) - (Ability to stop watching bad tv) * (How badly do you want to find out who Gossip Girl is - Looking it Up on the Internet).

Intended Audience- This one is fairly simple, the GG audience is females between the ages of 16-Alive.  Ladies if you want to watch a show with your man, this is not it.  Orange is the New Black is a much better option.  Save this show for when you have some alone time and an hour to kill.  I watched it because I was travelling, had down time, was told I would love it, loved it, and then had to find out the secret.

Where to Find it- This too can be found on Netflix, all six painful seasons.  Mercifully season 6 is only 12 episodes.

Show Synopsis- The show is centered around four teenagers that live in Manhattan, and one outcast that wants to fit in.  Throughout the course of the show there are more excuses for social events then you could ever dream up.  They throw parties, attend galas, have debutante balls, put on fashion shows, and are the hottest socialites regarding all things NYC......That is just season 1.  Anyway, everyone screws everyone else over, and throughout the course of the show there is this mysterious blogger named Gossip Girl that finds out and posts everyone's darkest secrets. The tried and true recipe of, get together, breakup, kinda get back together, cheat, promise not to cheat, get together again for the last time, repeat, is a staple of this show.

My Review- For the most part I have kind of given away how I feel about this show already.  That being said it does have its merits.  Blake Lively is nice to look at, but you will grow to hate her if you watch the show all the way through  (Possibly in real life and all things acting.  She was good in The Town, and o.k. in Savages, but I really can't take her seriously anymore after 6 seasons of this).  The male protagonist is pretty much a douche and I imagine that is why we have not seen him in anything since.  His hair alone in seasons 5 and 6 really made me dislike him, not sure if that is his call or not, but I blame him.  You start out really disliking Leighton Meester's Blair, but she will kinda grow on you.  At least she stays true to character for most of the show.

The real star of the show is Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass.  Slimey, repugnant and, way too mature for a 17 year old.  There are a litany of reasons to hate Mr. Bass right out of the gate.  I think he even gets a little rapey in the first episodes.  At some point along the way your feelings will turn and you start to root for the guy you once despised.  You want him to go to Europe to drink and gamble for the Summer. Watching the things Chuck does is much like when you dream of what you would do if you won the lottery, but around age 22, and all of what you wanted was extremely hedonistic.

There are a remaining few topics I will touch on before I close the Gossip Girl chapter of my life for good.  First, I am not sure what traffic is like in NY at any given time of day (most likely bad), but these people will go cross town just to walk in on something they were not supposed to see (happens roughly 1,843 times), or to meet up with another character and have a two sentence conversation.  I am too lazy to drive across town for events way more important than Blake Lively is having a "just got a new haircut" party.  In fact if the real Blake Lively was making sandwiches at my local Subway, I wouldn't be willing to travel 10 minutes for a $5 foot long.  Second, CELL PHONE PASSCODES??  Its bad enough they seem to leave them all over the place, but say some unknown person is spreading gossip all over the internet, I think I would not only be deleting all text conversions, but I would certainly have a passcode on my phone.  C'mon!  I guess this show works me up a little bit, I had no intention on writing this much.

Finale- We find out all we ever wanted to know about the Gossip Girl gang, including who GG really is.  Sadly it makes me want to rewatch the show to see if that explanation holds up, which I don't think it does, but if I rewatch and proved right, who really wins??

Eye Candy- No shortage here.  Here are the top 4, most of them sleep together on the show at some point.


In Summary- Watch it if you like bad TV.  Gossip Girl has the same career arc of NY Mets pitcher Dwight Gooden (For non sports people insert River Phoenix/Amy Winehouse/James Dean).  It starts strong (Rookie CY Young winner) and fades quickly, but at that point you're hooked (liked he was hooked on drugs for so long), so you will finish it.  Finally it will end, and you will move on to better things in life, remembering the dark places Gossip Girl/Drugs once took you.  If you have seen it, I would love to hear some opinions.  As harsh as I think I am being, I bet my review is kinder than most.

Orange is the New Black

I had heard a ton about this show via facebook, word of mouth, or just internet browsing, so upon my return to the US I was excited to give it a shot.  Here is a brief description of the characters listed on this promo. From left to right......

A- Creepy mild rapist guard that has a porn stash and only got to be in one season of The Wire (character may or may not be alive)
B- Girl from American Pie that plays the same part in every show/movie.  She is always so wise and seems to have her shit together/ The other girl is a Long Island Madonna that kinda grows on you.
C- Meth mouth bible thumper from backwoods Kentucky
D- Street smart, rapping black stereotype/ Tom Cruise new girlfriend????  Actually one of the better characters on the show, at least most realistic
E- Main Character- You, or at least me, really grow to dislike her.  Her character flip flops personality on a whim.  Never stays true to whatever she is supposed to be.
F- Crazy eyed black woman// Fun loving, institutionalized younger woman, also one of the better characters on the show
G- A mob boss wife type that runs the prison or at least the kitchen.  She's a good egg.
H- Transsexual that does everyone's hair, seems to do a pretty good job at it// Not sure how this woman made the promo, she is not a top 10 character........
I- The ole women's prison, women's prison guard love story, tale as old as time.  UGH

That quickly sums up what I think about the characters on this show.  They range from interesting, tell me more, to I hope she gets killed off at the end of every episode.  I didn't even get to mention that American Pie sex machine Jason Biggs is also in the cast.

Intended Audience:  Orange is the New Black was created by the same people that did Weeds, so you know it is going to have some good parts that both sexes can enjoy.  That being said this show is catered to a female audience.  Guys you will get some boobs here and there and a good story angle from time to time, but mostly this show was not intended for the Y chromosome.

Where to Find It: Netflix original, so I would start there
Seasons: 1 down, season 2 starts June 9th

Show Synopsis:  An uptight, not that much fun, fad dieting, no risk taking (ok, she is trying to start a business, but they are getting money from his parents so how risky is having that kinda cushion), boring, lack of personality, good looking, uptown, white girl......HAS A PAST, and that past is getting her sent to prison.  The focus of the show is around her time in jail and how it effects the ones she loves.  A much better part of the show centers around how each of the inmates came to find themselves in jail.

My Review:  I do want to talk about our main character for a second.  When we meet her she is sympathetic and experiencing her first days in prison.  I was on board, who wouldn't be terrified, from that point on she does so many things to make you not like her (or at least me).  She gets strong and brave and does not give two sh*ts, she is terrified, shes tough, shes weak, shes smarter than everyone else, she's aloof, she's confused, she's in love, she's sad.  This range of emotion and character flip flop is more than anything Bill Shakespeare could have dreamed up.  Here is the part that really grinds my gears.  In a flashback, when she first meets leading man Jason Biggs, she comes into an apartment all cute and fun and playing hard to get.  She has just been bitten by a dog and really couldn't care less;  is more focused on flirting with this stranger that is house sitting for her best friend. Again, I was on board.  Fast Forward to scenes of their relationship, and she is now a whole foods, gluten free, lemon cleanse dieting, b*tch.  People don't change their personality that much in 1 year, they just don't. Not 100% sure why I get so fired up, but much like Weeds this could be a really good show and the main character went from extremely likable to dreadful.

Season Finale:  Some stuff happened.......I am sure we will find out about it at the start of Season 2, which I will watch, I am a masochist.

Eye Candy  Fellas you are going to get a lot of boobs at the start of the show.  This is a trap, it does not continue.  Ladies its even worse for you.  You have porn stache, pie f*cker, and that is about it to look at. The in love security guard is in pretty good shape.  I am not even going to post pictures of them because you are not tuning in for that.

In Summary: Watch this show when you are bored or have about 45 minutes to kill.  I can list about 30 shows to watch before this one, but its most likely not as bad as I am saying it is.  I just had high hopes. One thing Orange is the New Black has going for it is the end of each episode really does make you want to put the next one on right away.  Its a solid C, maybe even a C+.